Seek community
The January 2025 calendar went up on the fridge a few days ago and I’ve penciled in three social dates so far. Both Sam and I have been thinking a lot about community lately and how to connect to our new place–leaving after 30 years in the same county will do that to you. Sam said he wanted to join me this year in making a New Year’s resolution about community.
For several years, I’ve been making resolutions by distilling big ideas into little statements. Buy Nothing. Yes, Please. Wear an Apron. Take It to All Four Corners. This seems to work better for me than the standards, like ‘exercise’ or ‘lose weight.’ This year, it’s Seek Community. I’ve been listening to KCBP, Modesto’s community radio station, (yep, already toured it and met the general manager) and getting lots of good ideas. We missed First Day Hike today. Sam had to work. But next week is a citrus gardening class with the extension office. And, the temporary digs for the downtown library open next week too, so I’ll drop in and see whether they need a volunteer for that herculean effort (the remodeling is supposed to take two years to complete). Then, mid-month, a well-established writing group has a poetry event at the local bookstore.
Sam is thinking about making a resolution bingo card instead of an aspirational statement. It seems more compatible with the gentle way he moves through the world. He can fill the grid with smaller items (e.g., take Fang to a new dog park, chat with the barber, go to adaptive rec’s Friday Night Out) and then we can create little celebrations as he bingos his way to a sociable life here.
Thanks to his elementary school guidance counselor, we’ve thought about Sam’s circle of friends. Mr Ball was intentional about fostering friendships between the kids. Oftentimes, people with disabilities don’t have many people in their innermost circle. Friendships with people at clubs and church and work tend to form the next circle out. To be sure, those connections can be a place to find and cultivate deeper friendships. But as we settle in here, we are also coming to appreciate those connections for another important quality they bring: a sense of community belonging.
Sam and I at the Modesto Lighted Parade
When Sam and I went to Modesto’s lighted parade, I paid close attention to the entries once I realized it was another way to get to know the community. We’re slowly learning our neighbor’s names. When running with Fang on Modesto’s terrific rail-to-trail conversion through the center of town, I try to say ‘Good Morning’ to every one I pass. I’m not the only regular on the trail and we are starting to recognize each other, which is sweet. Modesto is full of friendly people, and some meet up on the trail for group walks and morning chats. Yesterday, several families met at the Roseburg Square picnic tables next to the trail to celebrate the new year. One family pedaled up in a Bunch Bike, so I had to say something to them about being from Denton.
Perhaps they were all part of the running club that sponsors the sturdy fitness equipment installed along the 10-mile trail. Hmm. Is this something for the calendar?
What’s your new year’s resolution?
You and Sam have the right approach. Happy new year and thanks for sharing your ideas.
I tend to choose a single word or phrase that can be applied in many ways. This year it’s Unlimited. I’m living in a new region and am exploring all that it has to offer, meeting people and spending time with my twin grandchildren (6 months old next week). The possibilities are unlimited.
I like that one-word idea a lot. You are lucky with all that Buffalo has to offer. It’s a beautiful city, and upstate New York people are so incredibly community-minded.
Peggy, I have long thought about leaving here. For several reasons (kids close by, being old, health facilities near, too much crap, etc.) it feels like this will never be a reality. You and Sam give me hope that this could be possible, even moving to an area where we know no one. Because, really, a new person could be a new friend. You two are inspiring. I think my new year word will be “curious.” Now to look up Modesto! Wishing you both a wonderful 2025!
Julie, be curious! If you take the leap, trust that your closest friends will stay connected, and you will find new ways to do that. An old friend from Argyle was in town for the holidays, so we met for lunch and chatted as if everything, yet nothing, had changed. She pointed out that only one person from the group we ran with, back when our kids were little, was even there anymore. I reminded myself of that idea before we left–that the community is always changing, but when you’re there, you kind of absorb the changes bit by bit, instead of making the big leap yourself. Also, I really question the quality of health care systems in Texas. As I compare notes with friends who’ve left, I’ve been stunned how much better it is elsewhere. Happy New Year!
Also, Julie, downsizing brings unbelievable value to your quality of life. In addition, getting rid of all the stuff is one of the best things you can give your children. I have cleaned out three houses now, and what I have learned in the process has been life-changing. I’ll blog about it sometime. The first two clean-outs taught me that when my BFF’s brother died–leaving behind their mother’s home and three generations of accumulated stuff–she would need help. Lots and lots of help.
Nice read again Peggy. Great seeing you and Sam but there was alot going on . Happy New Year has a new meaning for the both of you.
Matt
It really does Matt! Sunday we will meet Sam’s godparents for lunch.