As he prepares kolaches …
Sam (in a stage whisper): Stand back. I have a knife.

Peggy: Oh, my. I can’t believe it. Tiger got a mockingbird.
Sam: Tiger got another mockingbird.
Peggy: He got two?
Sam: Tiger is a cat criminal.

Sam: Hang on, Mom. Your mind is just a tangle of questions. I can’t answer them all at once.
Peggy: Yes it is. Sorry about that.

Sam (as Peggy tries to brown chicken in the new tagine on the stovetop): It smells bad in here.
Peggy: That’s it. It’s going in the Dutch oven.

Sam: Uh-oh, fluorescent lights. (pauses). Mom, where are …. ?
Peggy: Yes?
Sam: I was about to ask an inappropriate question.
Peggy: An inappropriate question? Oh, you mean you were about to ask where the light bulbs are?
Sam: I was about to ask where the light bulbs are.
Peggy: And you know where the light bulbs are?
Sam: I know where the light bulbs are.

Peggy: Wanna go to St. Philips in the morning tomorrow, since you’re working tomorrow night?
Sam: Yeah.We’ll take your truck.

Sam: I really like that new ice cream flavor you made. Is it chocolate cookie dough?
Peggy (not wanting to say it’s a knock-off of Ben and Jerry’s Schweddy Balls): No. But it has rum in it.
Sam: It has rum in it?
Peggy: It has rum in it. Is there any left?
Sam: It has rum in it?
Peggy: Did you eat all of it?
Sam: No. I didn’t eat all of it.

Peggy: So what do you think about having hair like Grandpa?
Sam (inventor of the phrase “no hair, just a head”): It will happen if I keep going bald.

Peggy (after Sam ends a phone conversation with North Central Texas College’s vice president for instruction): Some people are afraid to talk to deans and vice presidents. You certainly aren’t.
Sam: Well, why would anybody be afraid to talk to them?
Peggy: Oh, it might start in elementary school, when children learn to be afraid of the school principal, even though the main part of their job is to solve problems.
Sam: I wasn’t afraid of Gaye Pittman Wise. She was a really nice lady.

Peggy: Here’s this month’s royalty check.
Sam: Man, they’re really pushing the money on us now.