Posts by Peggy
A call to be
My former editor and good friend, Annette Fuller, wrote this installment for autism awareness in the Winston-Salem Journal.
That a father would start a company in order to serve his son is no surprise to me. The folks over at nonPareil did the same.
But I was surprised at one statistic he shared with Annette: those of us without disabilities have more than 150 people in our support network. People with disabilities have 10 — and that is the challenge to the rest of us. Are you part of that network for someone with a disability? Maybe you should be.
All month long
It’s April and it’s “autism awareness” month. We’re pretty “aware” of autism around the Wolfe house, but I will give my two cents on the many news stories that roll out this month.
I’m happy to see the story today in Parade magazine about the first wave of the autism baby boom turning 20. There are so few programs for adults.
Sam is fortunate to be interning at nonPareil. Gary Moore, one of the directors and founders, tells me there are plenty of kids like Sam out there — some have managed to earn a 4-year degree; Sam will be getting a certificate — and have trouble holding down a job.
Joanne Chen points out in today’s article that 20 percent of adults with autism are employed. Sixty percent are either under-employed or paid below-market wages.
That will be Sam when he graduates. He bags groceries at Albertsons; he could be building computers for someone. He loves it; and as far as I can tell, he’s doing a good job. And like other adults with autism, he doesn’t mind repetitive work.
Who will hire him?
P.S. Happy Birthday to the Family Room blog, sometimes better known as the Overheard in the Wolfe House blog, but still oneyear old today.
It’s About Time
I wanted to put an expletive in the title, but since this is all about respectful language, I didn’t.
The Texas Legislature should soon be removing retarded and other disrespectful language from the statutes.
People first language for all of us, including parents.
Overheard in the Wolfe House #87
(after the Bartonville Town Council meeting)
Sam: You’re home early.
Peggy: I left early.
Sam: Oh, were they talking about the water tower again?
Coming up
I will be providing some parent training at Region 10 in Richardson on May 7. I’ll explain what Texas Parent to Parent does for families, and also the decision-making training I provided in New Braunfels and Corpus Christi last year. More deets to come.
Overheard in the Wolfe House #86
Sam: Can you get this cocoa buttermilk cake recipe for my graduation?
Peggy: Sure.
Sam: What goes with cake?
Peggy: Punch goes with cake. At an open house, you have cake and punch, and some little things. I can make some little candies. Do you want punch?
Sam: Sure.
Overheard in the Wolfe House #85
Sam: I can tell you want to learn more about midi sounds sets.
Peggy: Yes, I want to understand what you did with Sibelius.
Sam: Well, I’m telling you, Mom, it’s beyond you.
Overheard in the Wolfe House #84
(as Paige walks into the room in her new gown)
Sam: Oh, yeah, that’s right. Paige is going to prom. (pause) She’s in sparkly blue.
Overheard in the Wolfe House #83
(while talking via Skype about his very first computer-build at nonPareil)
Grandma: Does it work?
Sam: Yes, Grandma, it works. It’s a gaming computer.
Man and car keys, part two
When Sam got home from work last night, he said he was a little embarrassed by what happened. I told him everyone has locked their car keys inside their car from time to time. I’ve done it more than once. It’s easy to do.
Then I told him that Ms. D (his speech therapist in high school) suggested a hide-a-key.
He looked at me quizzically for about ten seconds, and then a huge grin broke out on his face. “Did you put something on Facebook?”
(I was so excited that he connected all those dots.) I put something on the blog, I told him, and then linked to Facebook.
“People learn from our experiences, Sam,” I said.
“I know,” he said.
He was skeptical about the hide-a-key option — he is his father’s son, that’s for sure — but then agreed we needed to get more information.
We decided we’d go see a locksmith and determine whether hide-a-key is an option. We also are going to learn about calling a locksmith when you’re locked out and other options.
What I’ve learned from this is how much we take for granted our children’s ability to solve problems when we send them out into an ever-more-complicated world. When our children are born, we marvel at their first words, first steps — but nature does all that. We parents don’t do a thing.
After doing a story about moms with HIV, I recognized that what parents owe their kids is a set of survival skills. Those moms with HIV knew their time was limited and the best give they could give their kids is the ability to stand on their own two feet. Before then, I did things for my kids out of convenience or a lack of consciousness. I saw that I could be crippling them for the long term and changed my ways.
The kids, by the way, didn’t always like it. They saw friends whose parents “did more” for them. Mark and I often got grief for that. (Michael thanked me last year, after helping several friends learn to do laundry. Big-time delayed gratification on my part, there.)
With Sam, I worry whether he has enough “generalized” problem-solving ability. I called my parents and asked for help those first years out of the house, and in my own apartment. Once they talked me through how to handle a simple repair or negotiations with a business, though, I could apply what I learned in other situations. I see Michael doing that now — in his second year out of the house and looking forward to his first year in an apartment.
Sam is doing that to a great degree, yet I still have this nagging sense that life can still throw him lots more curve balls than he’s prepared for.