Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe

writing for parents of the bravest hearts

Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe

green writing for parents

Whether to disclose

As part of their initial job training two years ago, Sam and his cohort at the WinCo warehouse received important information about when, or whether, to disclose their disability to others.

We didn’t give a lot of thought to this issue before sending Sam out into the world. We had always treated it as a need-to-know basis. Not surprisingly, outside of school and the workplace, most people don’t need to know.

The Texas Legislature passed a law effective this month that lets people with autism and other disabilities who drive to privately disclose their disability so the information comes up with their license plate. That way, a police officer or highway patrol officer knows there may be some communication challenges ahead and to take their time.

Other public encounters can benefit from some level of disclosure. On both of our cycling vacations, we didn’t lead our ice-breakers with any kind of disclosure. But our tour leaders and fellow cyclists soon figured out Sam’s autism. They watched what we did to accommodate him and followed suit. In Germany, it became a running joke with one woman that Sam tried more new foods than her persnickety husband did. We fielded a few questions on the side, but our travel companions were simply curious about our family; they weren’t prying.

One of the lessons Sam and his cohort learned during initial training was that disclosing your disability often isn’t necessary and that it also comes with some risk. “People can take advantage of you,” Sam told me. Sam’s rather risk-averse, so he’s not inclined to disclose and we’re happy to follow his lead.

The other night, I shared a travel horror story from one of my recent trips, in hopes that he might benefit from my experience. I thought if he ever got patted down, he should disclose his disability to the TSA agents.

In my latest travels, the screening machine flagged my underwire bra. I was upset that they intended to pat down my side. I insisted on a private screening, which really bugged them and the passengers behind me. The twenty-something girl behind me was obviously panicked about missing her flight. Magically, they flagged her every limb, and her crotch, and she let them pat her down everywhere, all the while she fussed at me for not complying. I was sad for her.

Sam said he’s never been patted down at the airport. (I’m patted down Every. Single. Time. Don’t tell me it’s random.)  But he had one of his own air travel horror stories that he had not told me about before.

He was in line to board the plane when the crew announced that they were going to do a bag search at the gate. Sam was caught off-guard, as I’m sure many other travelers were. (Perhaps, dear internet readers, you know what that is about and can explain in the comments below. We could only guess what it was about.) He wasn’t able to re-pack his bag quickly and other travelers were getting impatient with him. That, of course, unnerved him even more and made it harder still for him to recombobulate. A gate attendant finally had to help him.

I told him that might have been a good time to disclose his autism–not to the impatient people around him, but to the gate attendant who was helping him. I said most people might not understand why you need more time because autism is a hidden disability. They might even be embarrassed at their ignorance and impatience for not recognizing it themselves, I said, because most people are good and want to be kind to others. I told him that as you disclose to the gate attendant, the angry people would overhear it and probably change their behavior toward you, unless they are are real jerks.

Sam disagreed that it would have been a good idea to disclose, and that is his prerogative. It’s not his job to help the world not be a jerk.

7 Comments

  1. Annette Fuller on September 2, 2019 at 2:59 am

    Excellent column. I can honestly say I have never thought about this subject in this detail. I feel I have become a bit more awake.

  2. Kathryn Lynn on September 2, 2019 at 8:07 pm

    Great article Peggy. I will share it with Melissa. She will find it informative.
    I also am patted down at airport every time I fly. Maybe something in our DNA?

    • Peggy on September 4, 2019 at 5:01 am

      Kathy, Sometimes I think they are thinking they have to pat down someone, so why not all the old ladies? Karen recommends I sign up for TSA Pre-check or Global Entry. I guess you have to pay in order to avoid state-sanctioned assault.

  3. Nancy LeMay on September 2, 2019 at 10:22 pm

    I love Sam’s point of view and the last line of this column.

    I’m troubled that you’re patted down every single time you fly. We should discuss this sometime, but probably not here.

    • Peggy on September 4, 2019 at 5:03 am

      Next time I fly, I’m going to stay behind in the recombobulation area for a while and take data.

  4. Lucinda Breeding on September 3, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    I used to think it was The ChurchTM’s job to help the world not be a jerk. I guess we’ve all seen how that’s gone.

    • Peggy on September 4, 2019 at 5:02 am

      I know, right?

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